Thursday, January 26, 2006

Jack Abramoff: I'm blue from mooning you.....

Our first speculations and rumors touch the fantasy life of Jack Abramoff. You know about Jack because he is now under fire for converting the job of lobbyist into a cynosure for graft and deceit at unprecedented levels and conspired for thirty years with a cadre of other NeoCons also determined to convert the process of governance into a reliable income stream for themselves. Our inside sources have told us a few little things about Jack that that explain him and reveal his most intimate fantasies. It is a sad story so brace yourself.

Afflicted with severe acne for 18 months between the pivotal ages of 14 and 15 ½, Jack never recovered. His fantasies seem to have been evoked to help him deal with this traumatic assault on his self esteem. He needed desperately to see himself as strong, masculine, and powerful.

Jack's father, a macho type or stereotypical Jewish patriarch, discovered Young Jack gyrating to an Elvis record in front of the mirror in his mother's dressing room and immediately sent young Jack to Nathaniel Brandon for therapy. Jack's father was not as concerned about the gyrating as he was about Jack's singing voice and his borrowing his mother's high heels and bra.

Of course, Jack never recovered because he did not stay in therapy long enough to hear about all of Branden's traumas, which is core Branden technique. Jack escaped, taking with him the Elvis suit, a box of hair products and three dozen pairs of sunglasses. He did, however, acquire from Brenden a familiarity with Libertarianism and the works of Ayn Rand. His subsequent education and activities lead him into the College Republicans where he met, among others well known to you, Karl Rove, Ralph Reed, Grover Norquist, and John Fund.


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